I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
