I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
