You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
