No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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