I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
