haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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