your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
