I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
