the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
