Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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