A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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