All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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