Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
