Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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