I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
