And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
