I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
