I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
