i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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