you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
