would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
