You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
