They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
