we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
