took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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