Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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