Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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