Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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