youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
