And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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