I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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