I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
