I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My life is pants optional.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
