Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
