I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
