this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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