i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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