It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
