he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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