soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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