I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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