Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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