are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
