In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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