all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
