oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
