Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
