...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
