I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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