The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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